.........and so it begins.

I opened the kitchen drawer, and fumbled around excitedly for the scissors. The stabbing pain in my thumb told me I'd found them. I obediently cut along the 'Cut along this line' line of the plastic envelope, and tipped the contents out onto the kitchen worktop. A tangle off webbing, rope and strapping sat before me. I extracted the envelope, containing what was obviously the instructions from the pile and tossed it aside, unopened.

"How hard can it be?"

Yep, I am a typical male.

I picked up what what was obviously the harness, and eyed it approvingly.

"Looks about the right size" I say to Mrs B.

She looks on, with only the faintest roll of her eyes. She's seen it all before. This is obviously the latest in a string of mad ideas I've had since my mid life crisis began about 4 years ago.

"Bailey come" I call.

I needn't have bothered. The golden nugget was already around my feet, playing percussion with his tail on the kitchen cupboards and the washing machine, and sniffing at the harness in my hands to see if it was edible.

"Sit. Good boy!"

Turning the harness over until I'm pretty sure it is in the correct position, I offer it to his head, knowing what is coming. Bailey opens his mouth and wraps it around the harness. The latest game of tug of war has started.

"Bailey leave".

Pointless.

All this does is serve to excite him further, and increase his will to hang on. I crouch down and get a better grip on the harness, but do not pull. And wait. It's over after about 5 seconds. Bailey relinquishes the harness, sits on his ever wagging tail and gives me a look as though to say "I know, but I thought it was fun".
I take hold of the collar end of the harness and place it over his head. It is snug, but slides over his noble head relatively easily.

"Hmmmmm.....that was easy......too easy".

I worked out where his legs went through, and attempted to gently coax one of his legs through. Baileys response is to immediately roll over onto his side. "

Yep, that's more like it. Make it as difficult as possible for us!"

After making him sit again, I say "Paw". He immediately offers his paw, and we gently feed it through the leg loop.

"Other one". He offers the other paw, and I poke that through the other loop.

Mrs B and I stand up and admire our work.

"That's not right!" says Mrs B.

The back of the harness that is supposed to run down his back is underneath him.

Doh!

We take the harness off, and put it back on again. This time it looks right. It fits. Perfectly. I am amazed. I have the unique ability, even when the odds are overwhelmingly in my favour of getting things wrong. The law of sod was invented because of me. And I had lengthened the odds against me getting this purchase correct considerably by having to take measurements before ordering. This alone should have ensured that this harness should have turned up so overwhelmingly large, that Bailey could have walked straight through it without touching the sides. Even Mrs B looks impressed.

Very pleased with myself, I reach for the belt and put it on. That too fits, only needing minor adjustment. Next I pick up the line and bungee. This seems very long. I attach the (correct) end to the harness, and the other end to the belt.

"There. What do you think babe?"

"Yeah, it looks fine".

I grab the line about halfway along to use as a leash, and head out the door.

"Be back in a minute" I call behind be.

I take Bailey out into the Cul-de-sac outside our gate, and release the line from my grasp. Bailey just stands there, looking at me, tail wagging furiously.

"Now what?" he seems to ask.

"Go on then, good boy" I say excitedly.

This has the equivalent effect of putting a large jolt of electricity through our dog, who leaps up in the air at my side repeatedly, beside himself with excitement.

Well at least he's having fun!

"Go on then!" I say again and start to gently jog down the road. Bailey does an impression of a kangaroo, and jumps up at me with increased vigour and excitement. I stop.

"Sit Bailey". The jumping gradually subsides, and eventually Bailey sits, panting a little and tilts his head, a little confused.

"Good boy". I pat him affectionately. The tail goes into propeller mode, despite the fact he is sitting on it.

"Come on then, good boy" I say and begin to walk. As Bailey walks at the side of me, I break into a little jog. Again, he leaps up, but after a few times, he stops jumping, and trots beside me.

"Good boy".

Bailey is a natural healer. By that,I don't mean he will cure all your ills with nothing more than a dock leaf and a lick. I mean he has pretty much always walked alongside us with very little pulling, apart from the initial 'Outta my way, I've gotta pee' dash first thing in the morning. It's just as well really. It's not that he is badly behaved. He just sees training and good manners in a very casual way. Optional even. He would probably make a very good guide dog in his more calm moments. A part time guide dog that is. About 3 minutes a week if he's really concentrating. But luckily, he just seemed to realise that when he is on the lead, it is much nicer to walk calmly alongside us, rather than on the end of a pole tight lead with eyeballs bulging, panting like The Mallard locomotive and trying to walk on his back legs. He is a real pleasure to walk.

Even off the lead, he doesn't go far. I have had dogs in the past that as soon as you let them off the lead, make it their mission to put as much distance between you and them as possible. Even our Freddie, our 7 year old collie wanders off, but will come back when called. But not Bailey. He will play with other dogs, run off with Freddie a little and go check out stuff, but most of the time, he trots alongside us.

So why do you ask, do you think he is going to drag your sorry carcass around a trail run, when he's happy just to trot alongside? Short answer - It just seemed like a good idea.
And so, our adventure begins. I have no idea where this will end up. I also have no idea where this is going. Or what the heck I am doing come to that! I have already entered us into a race for about 8 weeks time, an 8km trail run about 30 miles away, so we need to get some training in.

Next - Our first 'proper' training run, and how I should perhaps wear a tutu whilst running!